I have not slept one second. The mere thought of having to leave this place makes me want to panick. I have never felt this way before. It is really strange.

I know I will be in Germany soon and then there will only be memories of this place, like a distant dream.

I never thought that I had gotten so attached to this place and the people in it. The end always seemed so far away and now that it is there, it seems so extremely sudden and real. One week ago I was ready to leave, I would have left without shedding a tear. Now I wonder, maybe it was an illusion.

You often only know how much you  feel for something or someone when you are about to lose it. It sounds silly, but some weeks ago something happened that might have prepared me for this unexpected emotional attachment. I lost my sweater. It sounds trivial, and so was the sweater (I bought it for 8,49 Euros at a textile discounter and it was cheapest polyester or fleece) - so I thought. What I had not expected was this sadness that it was gone. Although its material worth was negligible, it dawned on me that I had started to become used to it and had started to, ok this sounds creepy but, ahem, love it. During these cold winter months it had become indispensible, I wore it every day over my regular clothes - when sitting at my desk, before going outside as a double layer, in the classroom, in the cafeteria,... So after it was gone I looked for it everywhere, I thought about it before going to sleep, it was the first thing I thought about when waking up! About a sweater! You can imagine how happy I was when I found it in one of the classrooms, I clung to it the whole day. Writing down this episode something just came to my mind what Professor Higgins says in My Fair Lady after he discovers that Eliza has left and his unexpected regret of it: "I've grown accustomed to her face."

What shall this teach me? I should have foreseen all this? I should have done everything to avoid the feeling of having too little time left? By hanging out with everybody more often? By spending all free time on activities? Actually, I am happy with how I spent my time the last weeks and it would have added more pressure if I have had all this thoughts in my head. I think. Gnah, I don't know!

I only know that this time I won't be as lucky as with the sweater.